Bump Month Scoop: Giving Birth – The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I am a planner. I need to know the who, the what, the why and the where in most situations. This was no exception when I became pregnant with sassy kid #1, which is why at our first prenatal checkup I asked my doctor two things.

Can I have a C-section? Who do I talk to about my C-Tuck?

Her response…. Scheduled c-sections are considered elective surgery and c-tucks only happen in Hollywood.

Not the answer I was looking for. So I moved past it and focused on growing a healthy baby. As my belly grew bigger as did my fear of labor and delivery. Sleepless nights watching A Baby Story on TLC certainly did not help. I really had no idea how I was going to manage natural childbirth. I don’t handle pain very well and birthing a baby looked extremely painful.

My 34 week ultrasound showed that the baby was not face down. For most women hearing the words “Your baby is breech” would be disappointing, however this was music to my ears. After months of watching birthing shows I knew there were only two options.

1). You either try to turn the baby in utero or 2). have a C-section. Of course my doctor offered to turn the baby but there was no guarantee SHE would stay put, the process would be extremely painful and potentially result in early delivery.

Um, no thank you. Experiencing pain without drugs is not something I was willing to do. Plus if SHE moved back or I went into labor early, what was the point?

I’ll take my chances with a C-section and full advantage of scheduling my daughter’s arrival into our lives.

Turns out my daughter had her own plan…..

5 days before my scheduled C-section I was experiencing extreme discomfort and anxiously counting down the days. That evening after dinner I looked at my husband.

Me: I can’t do this.

Husband: Do what?

Me: I can’t take it any longer. I need her OUT of me.

Husband: Babe, you are so close. Only FIVE more days.

I wasn’t convinced. Looking at my hand I counted just to be sure. Five more days. Ugh.

I knew sleep was not an option so I decided to get some work done. Around 8:30 pm my best friend called to see how I was doing and we chatted about my impending delivery.

How I was feeling? Was I nervous about a C-section? Did I realize how much our life was about to change? Was I getting any sleep?

In that moment I was so naïve. I thought I knew what to expect about delivery but I really had no clue. Honestly, at that point all I could think about was getting her out of me!

As we chatted and I typed away at the computer, I felt something. Something extremely foreign.

Me: Um, how do you know if your water broke?

BFF: What do you mean?

Me: I just felt something weird but I’m not sure.

BFF: Oh you would know. It would be a big splash.

Me: Is that what happened to you?

BFF: No, they had to break my water.

Great. That was no help!

Me: Hold on, I need to go upstairs and check on something.

As I ascended the stairs I was still unsure if my water actually broke, but knew something was going on.

Me: Can I call you back? I need to call the doctor!

Turns out my water did break and our little girl was on her way. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I skipped all the way to our bedroom and yelled to my husband barely containing myself – My water broke, my water broke! We need to call the doctor!

His response – classic husband (whom I love dearly).

Husband: Wait! I’m getting ready for bed. I’m not ready to pull an all nighter!

Welcome to my world – turns out we’re both planners.

I wasn’t feeling contractions so I hopped in the shower, which my husband thought was completely crazy. I had watched enough movies, read multiple prenatal books to know that I had time to spare and the doctor did not seem to be overly concerned that I get to the hospital immediately.

Plus, I looked like a hot mess.

Showering is one thing but when your water breaks attire can be problematic. My previously planned outfit was no longer appropriate. I couldn’t wear anything sassy and I wasn’t sure what would slow down the water. I did NOT remember reading about this in What to Expect When Expecting or Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy.

After a quick shower and wardrobe debate, we grabbed my bag and headed to the car. The water kept coming. Husband did his best to be empathetic but I knew his OCD was kicking in as he tried not to show his concern about the possibility of me flooding the car.

Arriving at the hospital was highly entertaining. We realized there was no way I could walk through the lobby without leaving a trail behind me.  At this point we were both laughing hysterically trying to figure out a solution. I had never been so ecstatic to see a wheelchair in my life.

Here’s the thing about an unplanned C-section. You are required to wait for everyone else scheduled that day and time unless you are seriously contracting or dilating. I was doing neither so we proceeded to sit in a holding room from 9:00 pm until 3:00 am the next morning!

With all that time on my hands one would think I would have managed to apply makeup and style my hair. Well, I tried. Multiple times and dear husband was appalled. Looking at this picture, I’m appalled. What was I thinking?

By 3:00 am I was transferred to the OR to prep for surgery and receive an epidural while husband fell asleep waiting for me. Good thing men are not responsible for giving birth.

About that epidural…I’m not going to lie. It was terrible, painful and I cried like a baby. I don’t mean a few tears. I mean full on hysterical crying. And I’ll never forget my “awesome” anesthesiologist who was so empathetic.

Dr: Why are you crying?

Me: Because.  I’m.  Scared. And. You.  Just. Stuck. A needle. In. My.  Back.

Dr. Well I’m doing that again and you need to lean over and be still.

What the heck was going on? I NEVER saw anyone cry during an epidural on A Baby Story.

In case you’re wondering, C-sections aren’t any less painful than natural delivery. Being awake when your insides are taken out and placed to the side of your body is highly disturbing. I watched the clock the entire time and continually chanted to husband….

Are they done yet? Are they done yet?

At 3:40 am our beautiful 6.13 oz baby girl arrived safely into the world. As much as I wanted to hold her and be sure she had all her toes and fingers and not husband’s ears, all I could focus on was that my body was sewn back together pronto.

Husband was under strict orders. He was responsible for the doctors counting all the operating tools before they sewed me up. Out loud. There was no way I was going to leave the hospital with gauze or a scalpel in my body.

So now you know the good, the bad and the ugly about my first child birth experience. Looking back I would not change a thing. Well, except for my jerk off anesthesiologist and not applying makeup.

I am so grateful that my water broke and I was able to experience some form of labor. I know it sounds strange but I got the best of both worlds.

click here.