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During my first pregnancy I was fully prepared to breastfeed. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would feed my daughter naturally by nursing and making her baby food. It never occurred to me that one of these things would not be physically possible.
I read multiple books on breastfeeding and attended a breastfeeding class. Throughout my pregnancy, friends and family members asked if I planned to breastfeed and I responded “Yes” with enthusiasm and excitement each and every time.
After giving birth I did what most new moms do at the hospital, I anxiously held my daughter against me not sure what to expect and did my best to help her latch on.
Just so we are all clear, doing “my best” was allowing multiple nurses smash my daughter’s tiny little face into my chest over and over and over and over again and again….
To no avail, sassy baby wanted no part of “it”. Could you really blame her? I wasn’t too concerned. According to my friends, the nurses and the books, this was very common. After a few days of “my best” I had determined nursing was the most UNNATURAL thing I had ever experienced.
The nurses finally suggested I give sassy baby a teeny tiny amount of formula until my milk came in. I hesitated because I had read about nipple confusion and how giving formula would cause the baby to refuse breast milk, blah, blah, blah.
I eventually agreed while I continued to manually dole out colostrum. Good times.
The last day in the hospital I met with a lactation consultant who proceeded to tell me that I should have been pumping since day 1. Nice, if someone would have tipped me off in advance that would have been fantastic.
Tip #1– purchase or rent your breast pump in advance and bring it with you to the hospital. If your baby doesn’t latch on, pumping apparently helps stimulate milk production.
Tip #2 – schedule a lactation consultant to see you immediately after giving birth in the hospital and when you return home. I had no idea this was an option. Maybe I dozed off when they covered this in the breastfeeding class.
So after a week of supplemental nursing system, trying to nurse and borderline starving my child, I consulted with my doctor and we agreed that it was time to hang up my breastfeeding efforts.
It may sound like I gave up too quickly but there were many factors that played a role in my decision. Unfortunately pumping for 20 minutes to gain a total of 1 oz of milk (yes, 1 single ounce) was not feasible all while managing two companies and recovering from a C-section.
While I was disappointed that my efforts did not go as planned, I can’t control my body and I will never apologize for not breastfeeding either of my daughters. It wasn’t possible for me and that’s ok.
My daughters survived, are thriving, and will go on to live very productive and healthy lives. If you are in similar situation don’t beat yourself up about it. Being a mom is the most difficult job in the world and there is only so much we can control.
Do what works for you and your family and don’t let your breastfeeding friends make you feel guilty. But if they do, just make all your baby food from scratch and potty train your kids before the age of 2.
Read the other Bump Bloggers stories about their nursing experience here.
